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Honor and love is letting someone make a mistake to save the relationship rather then controlling them and never having the relationship.

(Like the FATHER did in giving the prodigal son money and letting him leave knowing that the son would regret it.)

Religious Control Sucks

Religion says that we control people so that they never make the mistake. This is done by creating enough fear and judgment around sin that people are to scared to sin.

In a church where this is practiced people will always be noticing and making judgmental calls on what other people wear and how they act according to the law of the church. In fact, this environment is where the judgmental spirit is nurtured and grows accordingly. So, all you end up with is controlled people that aren’t free and therefore will never truly be who they were created to be. Instead they will be like robots that live out of the spirit of fear because of what others may say and how they perceive God to be.

Relational Love Rocks

In relationship, it’s all about love and honor to the point that all recipients experience no fear. Perfect love always casts out all fear and sets people free to make their own decisions and mistakes. Letting people make those mistakes can sometimes be the catalyst they need to get to their destiny.

(Again, think prodigal son. When he came back, he finally knew he was a son, while the older son, who didn’t make the mistake, didn’t know what was available to him and had a pity party when he could have been celebrating.)

In the event that someone is planning on making a life altering decision in a bad way, the way to do it through a relationship of love and honor is by (1) being honest with them and telling them that you don’t think this is the best decision for them (2) and then finish it off with saying that no matter what decision they make, you trust them and you’ll always be there for them. (3) Then let them make their decision and love them like Jesus does.

Remember, there is a difference between forcing your opinions onto someone (this is control) and sharing your opinions with someone (do it through the eyes of Jesus and with full respect to who they are).

Must Have Influence

One big factor to this whole ordeal is whether you have influence in their lives to be able to speak the truth in love. If you don’t and they go away from the conversation not feeling loved at all, you’ve missed it. Which is, sad to say, exactly how the church has been doing it to non-believers, that they don’t know from Adam, for many years. And because of that, many see the church as judgmental people who know nothing about love. This is even though the believers mean it to be in love.

Part of honor is empowering people to make a decision whether it’s right or wrong.

If they make the wrong decision, to keep a strong relationship with them, you keep being there for them and speaking life into who they really are. They may end up wasting a few years of their lives, but when they hit rock bottom, they know exactly who they can come back to. (Again, just like the prodigal son.)

Love never fails.

If you, however, control the person and punish them for even having the idea of making a bad decision, you will never have their heart. And if you never have their heart, they will never be free because fear is there instead of love. You want to love them so much that they will never have fear in your relationship with them.

Where you have control and punishment, you always have some sort of fear. Even if they make the right decision because of you forcing them to and controlling them, it is going to be really hard to ever really have a heart to heart connection with them.

The only way to create a true sense of freedom in someone’s life is through complete love and acceptance. And in that freedom, they will excel. Just look at the people that hung out with King David when Saul was trying to kill him. They were the people nobody wanted and yet, because David fully accepted them and loved them, they became David’s mighty men with incredible feats.

If you control people and do everything you can to create enough fear to try to keep them from making the wrong decision, and they make the wrong decision anyway, you may have just lost a relationship for a lifetime. From that point on, unless they have a change of heart through Jesus, they will always have a wall put up between them and you. And that wall won’t come down easy.

So, it really is your choice.

You can choose to live by control and punishment and never have a heart to heart connection with them or you can choose to live by love and acceptance, which will create a relationship with no fear and full freedom. By choosing love you’ll empower them to become great someday.

For way to long the church has lived from a place of control and punishment that doesn’t represent Jesus at all instead of by a place of love that takes away fear and creates freedom. There is a reason most of American non-believers sees the church as judgmental hypocrites.

It’s time to change.

The church needs to stop being a religious people that are only concerned about how people look and act and needs to start being a relational people that hangs out with drunkards and prostitutes so that they will only know us by our love. And people will never think you love them if you keep judging them.

Think about it for yourself… if someone you don’t know from Adam and tells you how horrible you are at fashion, your natural response is going to be “Who are you to judge the way I dress?” with, possibly, a taste of anger mixed in.

If you would react that way, how can you expect someone that has been living only for themselves all of their life to react differently? It’s no wonder they see the church as judgmental hypocrites.

Anyway, let’s just be like Jesus. Just think, He fully loves you and accepts you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Be sure to let me know how you think we can love and honor people the way Jesus does by leaving a comment below. Also, if you have any thoughts about what I shared, please comment as well. I want to hear them.

Justen Miller is a son of God that is God’s favorite and loves spending every moment with Him! Since he’s a son, he’s royalty. Justen writes cool stuff, changes the world daily, runs his own marketing business, and is all around a great dude to hang with and talk to about Jesus. This is mostly (if not completely) because Jesus chose to live in Justen. Learn more about Justen here…